Seeds of Bitterness

I have to say it.

The in-laws probably don't read this anyway, so who gives a shit?

I'm becoming bitter. I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I will probably never have another child, but there are things that still upset me in the decision making process.

As you can read below (if you so desire) there are plenty of reasons WITHIN our own home to come to the unfortunate decision we're bound to make that I feel is going to slap me upside the head soon.

What I have not addressed yet is my BLAME on factors outside our household for this decision.

It's hard to say you're willing to take on another child in your home when you are tired and feel there are times you can barely deal with the one you already have. If date nights are few and far between, it's easy to see how the responsibility for a second child would crush what little connection you have with your spouse on those nights.

When grandparents live in the same town and do not make themselves (safely) available, it's also easy to get a little bitter. Until today, it never occurred to me that this may play a part in why we may never have another child.

Perhaps I'm just being childish and just trying to place blame on anyone else. But, even though that might be partly true, I believe the former is also mostly true. If my in-laws had been a little more friendly to our current child-rearing (safety) needs, we would not have felt so drained and would have possibly felt a little more energetic in our TTC efforts as we round the corner approaching 40. As it is, we have had only my own mother and step-father to depend on for an occasional break, and that's when they are not up north (understandably) taking care of their own business.

I swear to God, next time my mother-in-law asks me how we're doing on that front, I just might snap and let her know what a BIG help she and her husband have been in our decision NOT to have more children. How do you think that one's gonna sit?