FSH Test (Or is that Non-Test?)

Looks like I'm going to have to wait another cycle to take the FSH test. I may not end up with a Sunday (lab closed) test date again this cycle, but I'm almost guaranteed to end up with test dates that land me on vacation out of state on one of the test dates.

Hmph.

Or, I could end up pregnant and this would be a moot point.

What do you want to bet I'll be on vacation playing "coulda, shoulda, woulda" with the idea of finding a lab near Disney? ;)

My bet's on "C-S-W."

Disney: the happiest place on earth -- unless you're obsessing about information that one way or another continues to elude you month after month!

Too bad our foster-dog-mom/house sitter can't sit in at the lab and take care of this for me while I'm gone, too!

My Last Words to Her Were...

"Try not to get wet."

I'm not sure what I expected from a three year old, but this is what I got:


And then there was this: (off topic, but check her out being totally distracted from MY moment at hand and going on with her own thoughts -- chasing down some grackles on the lawn and shouting, "EAGLE!" at them LOL! Eagle? Really? LOL!!!!)


And while we're listing what I got, let's not forget the giggles I got while sitting on the bench just laughing at the sight of her running through the fountain fully clothed and her truly not giving a shit! It was warm, we had a towel in the car and nowhere else to go. What the heck! Why NOT let her just have fun?

Feeling Irrelevant

This weekend wasn't that bad in the grand scheme of things, but it wasn't great, either.

Saturday we went to a birthday party for our friends' son. Marti got a message while he was there asking if he wanted to come over and hang out with some other guys. He asked if I minded, and I didn't, so he went.

I didn't realize until later that I sort of did. I shouldn't, I guess, but I did. We get so little time together. I got semi-dolled up and he ran off to be with the guys. Boo! You know what though? I wanted him to. I would want to have the freedom to see my friends if something came up, so why shouldn't he be able to, also? But, I did miss him after he left.

Then Sunday mainly sucked. I did accomplish a couple of minor tasks in the back yard (fixed sprinklers and picked up what must have been a month's worth of dog poop) so I felt like the weekend wasn't a total waste (in the housekeeping department). Marti greeted me with a beer when I entered the house after my sudden (yet short) burst of motivation. I didn't even know we had any left! And OH it was hot outside, so that was one welcome beer! That was the good part of the day.

Then there were the phone calls. It was his sister's birthday, so I suggested a call. He called, put Abby on the phone, and he never put me on the phone. As it looked like he was going to close, I shouted happy birthday from across the room and, as I thought, he hung up the phone without offering me a chance to say anything. Nor did anyone on the other side ask to talk to me.

He also, on my prompt, called his grandmother in London. Guess who didn't get to talk to her and who she didn't ask to talk to this time?

Pht! Nevermind that it was my idea to call both of them. Whatever.

As the day went on, I didn't feel right in my tummy, so when Marti asked if I wanted anything specific for dinner, I kept passing. He said he felt like wings, so I said maybe a salad for me. He said had a place in mind and he'd call when he got there.

Turns out he went to a different place than what he mentioned. (I would have suggested driving elsewhere.)

Turns out he ordered me a Caesar salad THEN called me after the order was placed - still not telling me where he chose to pick up from. (I didn't want a Caesar on an upset stomach, and would have had a different salad MAYBE, but probably no salad had I known he was at this place.)

He came home (and not really his fault for not knowing Caesar was a bad choice), and I peeked at the salad. It sucked. The chicken was stuck to the lid as if it was sitting in the fridge like that all day. There were tomatoes (?) on it, a packet of "sandy" Parmesan cheese, a packet of croutons, and guess what? NO DRESSING!

So, I checked our fridge - but came up with 3 bottles of expired dressing and some Italian that would "do." Or so I thought.

I tossed the Italian all over the salad and started to eat it, but it still sucked royally. I ate the chicken and threw the entire lettuce portion away.

Then Abby was doing something that bugged me while she sat at her table, so I said something to her. She didn't even look at me, let alone respond. Again. Again.

Finally, I just looked at Marti and said I was going to bed. It was something like 7:30 pm and I was done. I went to bed and tried hard to just check out to sleepy time land.

Marti bathed Abby and read her what sounded like 50 books then put her to bed. I didn't get so much as a good night from her, let alone a hug and a kiss. She still wasn't even acknowledging my existence. (Nor was he.)

He then went on the computer and that sort of bugged me since it's in our room and it was keeping me awake. I suggested he find some football on tv and let me sleep. He followed my lead and did just that. (No hugs or kisses from him, either.)

In the morning Abby woke up and they both went downstairs for coffee/milk and some hoops in the back yard. Still no good morning or hugs or kisses.

Hello!!! I'm here!!!!! WTF????

As I was leaving for work, I popped in to Abby's violin practice with her dad and gave her a hug and kiss good bye. Marti always acts like I'm interrupting something urgent when I say good bye to them, so I guess I felt rushed and went on my way. As I got on the freeway, I realized I never gave him a hug and kiss goodbye -- just Abby. Boo, me!!!!

I sent him a message acknowledging my flub.

That night we watched TV after he got home and then went upstairs for bed. I got into bed and he got on the PC. I realized I still hadn't kissed him all day, so I got out of bed and kissed him on the cheek as he checked his scores or stocks or whatever online. Then back to bed I went.

The next morning (today) I mentioned that I thought it would be great if he didn't do violin practice right when I was leaving every morning. I wanted to explain how he makes me feel like I'm intruding when I want to kiss them good bye, but he cut me off and walked away.

I continued getting ready, then interrupted violin practice to give them each a hug and kiss good bye. He commented sarcastically that he actually got a hug and kiss good bye today.

...

Stew on it for a while at work, and then out goes the email...

Still no response to said email.

But seriously! Should I have to feel like an intruder in my own home? Should I have to pry a kiss or a hug out of my husband? We get so little time/affection as it is. Does he really need to limit it further by doing her practice at a time when he KNOWS it's at least customary to give a hug and a kiss - if not desperately needed sometimes????

Is it unnatural to shy away from someone if they treat you like an intruder?

This just isn't healthy and it makes me sad.

It Started With Glass of Cabernet

As you have already read, "it started with a glass of cabernet."

Then, there was the dribble.

It was on a red tank top, so I didn't think much of it. But, it was a NEW red tank top, so I took it to the sink to wash it.

Well, this could have gone two ways at this point: a stain story or hot steamy sex because I inadvertently went topless in an effort to avoid the stain story. If you've been a regular reader here for long, you know I don't usually get into the hot/steamy stuff, so we can all safely assume that this will be a stain story. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry to disappoint!

ANYWAY... I had just put Abby to bed, so I just tossed the tank in her sink, turned on the tap and gave it a scrub. The red wine was REMARKABLY set into the red tank, so I moved on to tthe Shout. That didn't work, so next I tried detergent. (I would hate to skip the obvious, after all!)

All of a sudden, Abby shouted for help!!!!!

Oh, I put her hair in rollers tonight, and one got loose. But, you girls know that they don't just come loose. They TANGLE like bitter dejected rollers on their way out. And yes, they did!

I did my best to get them out while not turning her off to the tools of femininity and ignored the faucet that was still running over my stained red tank. I figured the little hole in the sink would let any overflow out of the sink.

I figured wrong!

I returned to the bathroom to a pool that was QUICKLY approaching the carpet and had taken over the cabinet - inside, outside, and under!

I quickly sacrificed my precious daughter's bath towels to the flood gods and sopped up what I could. As I did this, I was immediately thankful that I had JUST cleaned all the dog hair off her bathroom floor just one day prior! A wet mess is one thing. A wet hairy mess is an entirely different animal!

In the end, the stain NEVER came out, but the bathroom floor is still clean. (Just like yesterday!)

I guess I'm going to have to soak my new tank in wine tomorrow to even out the red tones. Would it be bad to ring out the shirt and drink the wine that's left over?

I kid!!!!!!!!!

Gah!!!!!! (postscript)

Perhaps a little context would be helpful. I just went back and read my last post and found it lacking perspective.

That was just a blip in time and the frustration I felt at that time was just that: at that time.

There are many other things that are worse, so to go off about such minor issues in the grand scheme of things seems a little, well, off. And I didn't explain that in my post.

Truth be told, I've reached a point where I think all I'm looking for (read: expecting) is closure. So, to hear me say "most of all" in my last post and have the peak of my frustration be about getting blood drawn or not -- THAT is where that is coming from. One would expect the "most of all" to be about not becoming pregnant or holding onto a viable pregnancy, but at this point, I'm almost done hoping. And while I can't quite say I'm OK with that, I can say I'm not crawling into a corner and crying about it anymore.

So, I guess this is part of some grand process. At least that's what I'm hoping now. I hope that (barring the obvious: pregnancy) this is part of a closure process and over time that it becomes less painful and I can let go of all the "shoulda-coulda-wouldas" in my haphazard family planning.

I guess my next post can be about one small part of a book I read. More on that later.

Gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW am I not pregnant?

I know. I know. First of all, it takes more than a couple months of trying. Second of all, I’m not getting any younger. No, I’m not REALLY thinking I should absolutely be pregnant after just a couple months of hard core efforts. No, I’m not one of those that REALLY thinks 2 months is FOR.EV.ER to have been trying.

But, that doesn’t mean I have to wait 2 years to become frustrated with the process either. Besides, don’t the months and months of ME trying while he wasn’t preventing count for something? If so, we’ve been trying since mid-2007 with just a couple months off when I agreed to wait between jobs. Oh, how that sucked to prevent on purpose. Oh, what a pointless effort that probably was anyway.

MOST OF ALL, oh, MOST OF ALL, WHY did I finally win this battle with the medical professionals to get my visit covered and to find a way around paying $1000 for tests and fees, find a way to get the CCCT test done for just $50 a pop (!!!!!), only to have my lovely little visitor arrive on a FREAKIN’ FRIDAY!?!?!?!?!?!?

The lab is open on Saturdays, so having CD1 on a Thursday would have been fine. Having CD1 on a Saturday would have been fine. Either way, CD3 and CD10 would have fallen on a day that they could have drawn blood and run the tests. Nope. Stupid me gets it on a Friday – the ONE FREAKIN’ DAY OF THE WEEK that I can’t get it on if I want to do the same tests as last time and compare the results side by side.

Seriously. WHY on a Friday? Why now?

I’m so bent right now.

I know. It’s not the end of the world. We can keep trying and nothing has changed. I’m just being a whiny baby because it felt like I FINALLY got my way in this insurance fight – I finally found a workaround – and now this. It’s just one more month. I need to get over it. But I can still be pissy about it for one day, right?