More on That Later...

It was quite a while ago when I said I'd post something I was thinking about, and I just realized I'm sitting here with free time on my hands and I still haven't posted it.

Here's the scoop. I once tried to join a book club. I missed the first book, but read it anyway - after the fact. Then I read the next one, but just HATED it so much that I couldn't bear to think about meeting a bunch of people for the first time and being so negative!

However; there was one part of the book that I loved.

The book was the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky. The book was mostly tedious to me, as it was written from a teen's point of view IN A TEEN'S VOICE! It was like reading a C student's journal. Brutal!

The part I did love was not until the end. And it hit me like a wall. All the time I was reading the book, I was hating it. Yet, when I hit this part of the book, I was humbled. It made such sense to me.

"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad. Just like what my sister said when I had been in the hospital for a while. She said that she was really worried about going to college, and considering what I was going through, she felt really dumb about it. But I don't know why she would feel dumb. I'd be worried, too. And, really, I don't think I have it any better or worse that she does. I don't know. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Like Sam said. Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them."

So, that's the part I took to heart.

How many times have you been worried or upset about something and then heard a friend tell you about something they were upset about? Does one need to be worse than the other? Is only one person allowed to be upset at that point? Is it insensitive for the one who was slighted LESS to feel upset even when they know their friend has been dealt a worse hand?

I say NO!

The two events/situations are independent of each other and deserve separate feelings.

Perspective is good, but I don't think people should feel like they are not entitled to their own feelings just because they know their friends/family have had it worse.

It's an awkward situation when one finds new love just as another is dumped from a seemingly loving and secure relationship. But should the dating friend not feel joyful for herself? No. Sensitivity is called for, but the new love IS happening and should not be hidden.

It pains me to see women shy away from sharing such wonderful news of a new love or a long awaited pregnancy because she has friends that are not experiencing the same things with her.

I understand not gushing over every loving glance, or every little symptom or kick. But to hide these things entirely?

I can't speak from every perspective, but only from my own. As I have made my way through this struggle to build a family, I have occasionally felt a twinge of envy when I hear the good news of others. But, that twinge is dwarfed considerably by the joy that I feel when I hear how happy my friends are!

The pain I may feel on any given day is not lessened by the joy I feel for my friends, nor is the joy I feel lessened by the pain I have felt.

So, if I'm going to feel my own pain - no matter what - why would I not WELCOME the good news of others into my life? The good news of others may not dull the pain, but it enriches the soul.

At this point in my life, I welcome all the good news I can find.