Towel Cocked and Ready to Throw

I'm a couple of days away from throwing in the towel. I know what's coming. It sucks, but it is what it is, and I'm more prepared to deal with it now than I was before. I'm eternally thankful that Marti at least agreed to try again for a little while so I could have better closure.

As it is, my temp is tanking, so it's just a matter of time.

I was hoping for better results after the cl.om.id this month, but, alas, that didn't help. And now I'm 41. A tired 41 - not a young, spry, energetic 41. I originally wanted to try through the end of the year or more, but I really think this should be it.

Now it's going to be time to get on with our life how we are today. Family of three. Looking back now, it's amazing that we even crossed over from the two of us to the three of us. How lucky we really are! All the early losses, and now not getting pregnant at all -- HOW did we ever end up with Abby?

The nagging question now is -- do we prevent now?!?!?! How do I go from desperately trying one month, to preventing the next? I don't know how to wrap my head around that yet.

Once I get a grip on that, I think it will be time to start purging all the baby gear and clothes. That's going to be hard, because it takes actually DOING something instead of NOT doing something. I don't think I'm going to be ready to let go of all our THINGS yet. Weird, huh? I am starting to let go of the dreams, but not the things.

What's wrong with me? ;)