My Eyes Have ESPN

(And not just when it rains!)

So, the other night I was watching my friends and how they were being together and with me, as well as how they were being about the pregnancy books I gave them to borrow or keep. That was the night I gave Abby's crib away, and I was certain I was looking at a pregnant woman.

Well, my friend calls me up today and asks when it is considered fine to tell people.

I, in my blunt manner, responded, "Last week when you were at my house, stupid!"

;)

Turns out they didn't even know then! I guess my eyes saw something, because you know and I know that I knew she was pregnant. There was no doubt in my mind or my heart.

I am so happy FOR them. I pray that spilling the beans this early with such enthusiasm is not rewarded with a dose of "someone else's reality." I mean, we all know it happens. It's just not supposed to happen to us, right? It's brutal whether it happens to you or a friend. I feel awful for even thinking of the possibility, but I've been through it myself, as well as cried uncountable tears for friends who unfortunately were dealt a similar lot. How can I not be afraid for them now?

Is this what infertility eventually does to us? Does it ruin everyone else's good news, too???? Does it make me so cynical that I can't even be free of it while observing someone else's life unfolding before me?

I hope they never taste this. I hope they fall blissfully into a family as large as they hope for. I hope they stress about finding pleasurable ways to prevent pregnancy until they are ready for another. I pray she never even opens the book on infertility problems that was in the batch of books I let them borrow.

Of course I am over the moon for them, despite my own reservations about ANY pregnancy at this point. But for my own selfish reasons, I am especially happy. We used to be closer, but after becoming a mom, it seems I have less time or opportunity to get together with him (and now her who has recently joined his fold). Not that I want to suck people out of the young partying lifestyle, but I am happy for our friendship that we may have more in common once again.