Bye Bye Baby (clothes)

Today was bitter sweet. I have a good friend who is due on tax day. It's a girl. She has a boy that was born 3 weeks after Abby. I'm not pregnant along with her this time. I was still recovering from my last miscarriage when she called to tell me she thought she could be pregnant. So, not being pregnant with her again is more than just NOT being pregnant. It's that I WAS pregnant again, and would have been pregnant with her again had it not been for the miscarriage.

I offered up all of Abby's clothes in case she needs a wardrobe and she accepted, along with some other gear I had. Today I drove it out to her and we went through the bins (six 72-gallon plastic tubs!), and boxes (2 Costco sized Huggies boxes and one Costco sized wipes box), and bags (3 small trashcan liner bags) piece by piece deciding what she wanted or not. It took us from 1:30 until 5 (including 2 snack breaks).

Side note: it's amazing how stains show up AFTER you wash and put baby clothes away!

It was fun seeing her again. Even though I've been off work, I hardly saw her at all. I have no idea what I did with my (nearly) 2 months off!!!!

It was good to get rid of at least some of the junk that clutters my home. (Although I did manage to still take home 5 bins of stuff she didn't need - just not as tightly packed as it was when I brought it.)

I didn't realize until after I left that I was sad. It was nothing she said or did. It was just that feeling that she was pregnant and I was not. It snuck up on me when I was not expecting it. Looking at all those tiny newborn clothes was hard. Giving them to her was NICE, but still hard because of what it ended up meaning when I thought about it.

She kept saying she couldn't guarantee there would not be stains when she was done with them and to not give her anything important. Well, it's just clothes, first of all. I have no idea if I'll ever need them at all, let alone have a GIRL if I am lucky enough to carry a pregnancy to term again. Also, most of what I had was hand me downs from my aunt and gifts. Why not put them to use?

But still, after I left I was a little sad that I parted with it all and that I desperately want to need them back, but may not. I think that is what got to me.

Dammit! Just when I thought I was coming out of my funk.

Phhhttt!